I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
