my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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