Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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