oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
