I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
