Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I can't turn off my feet"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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