dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She announced her abortion via fbk
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
