When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
