I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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