You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
