just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
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he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
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We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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