i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
