I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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