last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
