Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
