weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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