So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
