So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
