i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
