Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
