Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
