Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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