I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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