Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
