okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
