i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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