apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
