I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
