I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
the day after is always just damage control
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
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I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
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Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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