Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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