saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Come share oat with me in your robe
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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