Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
