john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
