He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
