The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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