the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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