I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
