my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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