My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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