The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
