Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
