FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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