If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
