flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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