I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
