theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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