i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
