It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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