Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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