My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Everclear isn't food dammit
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
