even my farts smell like vagina
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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