guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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