Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
