Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
