Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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