I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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