are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
