fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
being pregnant is like rehab
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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