He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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