I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
