He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
honey bunches of taint.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
