your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
