3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Randomize
