I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
