If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
