Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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