If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
