If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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