You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
