You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
