Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
