Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
