did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
