Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
