super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
