Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
