He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
