Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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